Friday, August 26, 2005

Eternal Sunshine, The Crap Is Mine...

Crapping is a Transcendental experience wherein a person attains one of the highest levels of happiness and sheer bliss... especially when 3 people are queued up before you in front of the same loo.

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

Silver Blade Cutting Away

Good is but a synonym for pain. Cutting away at one's soul brings realization. How can I be saved from this incompletion, this dilemma? Must the answers to happiness always be so out of reach?

Saturday, August 13, 2005

Molten Dreams

It had been a hectic day in the office for her. Boss screaming in her ear, colleagues not cooperating, workload increasing exponentially and the coffee machine going out-of-order... She was experiencing the full blast of a regular day at work. But inwardly, she was smiling. It was one of those smiles that come with an anticipation of something good to come... Clearly, she was looking forward to something, something that would have the power to make her woes disappear, at least for some time... The seconds hand of the clock moved towards 12 and then the clock hit 5. She rushed out of the office in a manner that would have put any Olympian runner to shame.

Time had been having it's way with her of late. She was quite dejected in life. Work pressures mounting, and on top of it, a broken relationship which was torturing her from within. She would imagine that she smelt him whenever any man walked by her. Feelings of despair, longing for love, and intense pain, regret and guilt would course through her.

The evening was something she was really looking forward to. One of her best pals was taking her out to a pub to unwind, courtesy beer. He had also promised her that he would be introducing her to a guy. But then, she did have this feeling that he was not telling her something. She was expecting to catch up on old times and discuss the present problems with him during the evening... and inwardly she wanted to have sex with this new guy.

She had been sexually frustrated for sometime. And she had theorized that Sex helps. Period. Making love helped her get rid of her problems, energized her, infused her with courage, made guilt go away, brought back that long lost feeling of happiness. It made her feel good in general. After her break-up, she thought she would never be in a state of mind to have sex with another guy, but time had brought her to this point. She wanted to feel better and sex was her way of achieving it.

She dressed up and waited for her pal to pick her up from the regular place - the main gate of her apartment block. He arrived sharp at 7... He had this obsessive compulsive disorder of being punctual. He had just been done with the run-in period of his new bike and he had been waiting to give her a ride on his new baby. And he did. It was just like old times, she thought. She would sit and scream and yell with joy, while he revved the accelerator, did a wheelie, touch down and then zip to high speeds... The last time he had touched 120KMPH, but this time his new baby could go up to 140 KMPH!!! She was thrilled! And she felt the sadness and the frustration of her life start to fade away.

They arrived at their regular hang-out a few minutes later. He ordered beer for himself and Vodka for the lady. She was quite interested in knowing who the guy was. They got a convo started, encompassing various subjects like politics, science, religion, philosophy and sex. She, however, noticed that he started evading her on sex. She found it weird, cos' they were always comfortable with the unadulterated gore of sex. While she was pondering on how to get him to ease up, his friend enters the place and occupies the seat reserved for him. He lamented on the condition of the roads and the pollution and how it affects his mood.

She was beginning to fantasize about him. It had been really long since she felt good. She was already starting to visualize him making love to her, in her mind. She was starting to get a bit horny as well... She was wondering how to get him to take her to bed, when...

(Henceforth, Girl = G, Best buddy = B, Friend's friend = F)

B : Dude, so did you make arrangements for tonight? Condoms?

F : Obviously da...

G raises her eyebrow in surprise.

B : He he, we have plans for some action tonight.

G : I knew it!!! You got him here to meet me so that he can fuck me tonight. You're the best pal a girl could ever ask for. Finally, I'm gonna have some peace of mind.

***Shocked Silence Follows***

Following this, what her friend said to her, was something that would incite pain in her beyond anything she had ever known, the sheer vastness of the truth hit her and so many things became clear. The moments of her life spun round and round in front of her eyes, like a merry-go-round spinning at a dizzying speed. The shell shock coursed through her system and numbed every part of her. Her excited libido died down in a few billionths of a second. She knew that things had changed with him. But she never expected that things between her and her friend had changed so much. She felt an unconsolable sadness beginning to creep up on her. She had insulted her friend, and her friend's friend. But then again, she was happy... She was really happy for her friend.
She spent the rest of the evening having clean fun with them, and walked away happy. It is one of those types of happiness, that you feel, when someone close to you is happy, even though you are disappointed to the core and negativity is up to your brim, the very fact that someone so close to you is happy is enough to make your day. Yet the happiness also brings an inexplicable sadness in you knowing that you have to move on in life and be happy for the memories you have of that person... The happiness of the other person itself is the cause for your inexplicable joy and sorrow, a simultaneous experience of some sort of dispassive deliverance. An inexorably surreal thrill... of experiencing a multitude of emotions at the same time, yet not knowing which one to focus on. All eating away at your own self-esteem and reinforcing it too.

So you must be wondering what did her friend tell her, that she had to endure all this.

B : I'm sorry. I meant to tell you this before. I know it's gonna be hard on you. Ever since you made clear that we couldn't be more than friends, 'F' has been there for me. Now, we're more than just friends. He's my partner... for life. I love him! And he loves me too, like no man has ever loved a man before. This is my life, my destiny. Things have changed. I hope you understand...

Saturday, August 06, 2005

Socio-Political Rantings

Men are polygamous. Like it or not, you better fuckin' accept it. We are monogamous cos' society has imposed this rule on us. Given the choice, we'd endorse promiscuity.

What is it that drives us towards polygamy? Is it purely the fulfillment of sexual desires? Or could it be something more? Or are we driving ourselves away from a society based on values, to one that is fundamentally slutty? What if I told you to shove your decadent orgies up your orifice...? Is there no standard anymore?

Is virginity all that important in life? Is it supposed to be sacred? Or is it just bullshit?

Why the fuck should circumcision be endorsed in many parts of the world? Who the fuck says that getting your foreskin chopped off helps you have a better sex? What difference does it make to a small child starving to death or a mother with her 2 kids, all on the road, trying to survive temperatures of Minus 5 degrees celsius?

Who has given me or you the right to lamblast and persecute other religions and their sexual practices?

Fundamentalism is always looked upon as evil. Now what if I said that fundamentalism is actually good for society?

Supposing there were no fundamentalists in Ayodhya, would it have become another Kashmir Valley? What if Kashmir Valley was full of Hindu Fundamentalists, would it have been an Ayodhya?

When I say that I am talking in terms of a trade-off...Which one is preferable? Unchecked Islamic fundamentalism? Or checked Islamic fundamentalism, held in rein by proactive Hindu fundamentalists? Similarly, I can argue that Christian fundamentalism too is held in check or 'balanced' by Islamic and Hindu fundamentalist forces in their particular geographical bases in most parts of India.

I guess this is what is called Fighting Fire With Fire... As long as there is some fundamentalist force to oppose the so called 'Enemy' fundamentalist force, there will be some kind of checking mechanism. The opposite side will keep your fundamentalism in check and you will keep the opposite side in check. This trade-off undoubtedly will lead to tensions. But if we can avoid mass massacring of people as exemplified in the Kashmir Valley, by employing fundamentalist forces there, I would be all for it.

So before you start cursing me for advocating fundamentalism, think for yourself. The sense of security you will have is probably because of fundamentalist activities. This is a multi-layered reality.

I personally feel that religious fundamentalism is fuckall, but if we have to hold society's reins, then this weapon must be used. Yes, these ARE dangerous thoughts. But then again, we live in dangerous times. I can only hope for my utopian world, where the only religion is peace...

Is it the images and words that make something look good, or is it the thing itself?