Does time change us? You bet! Lotsa people have told me that time changes people, but in the negative sense. They always seem to crib about others and themselves and how growing older seems to take it's toll on life. But there are not many people I know who seem to have taken the effect of time in a positive sense, or speak about it that way, at least...
There are times when I've felt down, like now... But it wasn't always like this. Till around a couple of years back, I was an angry being. My rage was not easily quelled. There are things I've done that I'm ashamed of, but realisation does not change what has happened. I've done crazy things like cutting my forearm using a knife (I think I wrote "Hate Me" if I remember correctly), I've bruised my bones hitting walls and I've broken a 5 foot mirror to tiny shards... The last incident however will always stand a testimony to my uncontrolled rage and my stupidity, and it has left more scars than physical. A pool of blood on the floor, a totally mutilated ring finger from which an inch of finger around the joint had totally gone (there was only bone visible), 7 stitches on my finger joints (4 on ring, 2 on middle, 1 on index), and years later, am I really better off?
You bet. There are things that can leave scars in you that cannot be healed by time. As someone said, regret is the costliest thing in life. I am what I am today - a better human being than then. It's hard to believe there are people who do give a damn about me. I was not used to it and I still not am used to it. There were times I had thought of suicide, and now when I seem to think of it all and remember a voice which said - "Don't do that re, you're mad!" And a voice that said - "What are you going to gain? Think of all the experiences you'll miss." I feel nothing but the deepest gratitude for those 2 girls who have taught me almost everything in life. They gave me a new lease of life, they showed me how to live. As for my stitched up fingers, I still cannot use my right hand properly... So remember that before you smash a mirror to itsy bitsy shreds...
There are times when I've felt down, like now... But it wasn't always like this. Till around a couple of years back, I was an angry being. My rage was not easily quelled. There are things I've done that I'm ashamed of, but realisation does not change what has happened. I've done crazy things like cutting my forearm using a knife (I think I wrote "Hate Me" if I remember correctly), I've bruised my bones hitting walls and I've broken a 5 foot mirror to tiny shards... The last incident however will always stand a testimony to my uncontrolled rage and my stupidity, and it has left more scars than physical. A pool of blood on the floor, a totally mutilated ring finger from which an inch of finger around the joint had totally gone (there was only bone visible), 7 stitches on my finger joints (4 on ring, 2 on middle, 1 on index), and years later, am I really better off?
You bet. There are things that can leave scars in you that cannot be healed by time. As someone said, regret is the costliest thing in life. I am what I am today - a better human being than then. It's hard to believe there are people who do give a damn about me. I was not used to it and I still not am used to it. There were times I had thought of suicide, and now when I seem to think of it all and remember a voice which said - "Don't do that re, you're mad!" And a voice that said - "What are you going to gain? Think of all the experiences you'll miss." I feel nothing but the deepest gratitude for those 2 girls who have taught me almost everything in life. They gave me a new lease of life, they showed me how to live. As for my stitched up fingers, I still cannot use my right hand properly... So remember that before you smash a mirror to itsy bitsy shreds...
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