I Wrote This Ages Ago...

There are so many things in life that I find myself unable to appreciate... What is it that forces me to be like this? The feeling of worthlessness eventually creeps in... There is so little, in fact, nothing that I am truly adept at.. or at least have some mastery in... It's hard to stay motivated when people do not appreciate your work... So what then does it take to appreciate the beauty of life? Will I ever know?

Manifestation of a feeling of purposelessness and uselessness... It's hard to carry along smoothly when you do not know what part of the jigsaw puzzle of life you truly represent and who then is supposed to answer the question?

Feeling so unwanted in life... A state of an emotional blackout is residing in me... It seems as if nothing is worth my caring about... It's easy to say this but it's implications are profound... It's like... nothing brings me joy anymore... All that is left at the end of the day is apathy, exhaustion, hate, anger, and a wish to run away... It's easy to then say that I must face my problems head first rather than run away.. but the fact is the problem is unknown... If I don't know what I am running away from, I don't know what to face either... I am not looking for a solution to this... (or am I?)

It's hard to get used to life like this... when there is, inside you, a will to succeed, to live life fully, and you are denied the fulfillment, then living life is tough... For every day brings you guilt, reproach... AGAINST yourself for not having done anything substantial... and for some strange reason others seem to be doing it better. Where am I going wrong? Why must I feel this way? I guess I am probably expecting too much out of life... Silence is a heavy stone and words are poisonous venom.

Sadness consumes me...
And I crossed the seven seas
And I crossed the seven mountains
Hell, I even crossed all the Galaxies
And travelled through all of time
And I died... without knowing peace