Friday, January 21, 2005

Kissing the Tarmac

Had a reasonably reasonable booze party on 19th. We had gone to the bar after one of the guys decided that he would be magnanimous and give attendance proxy to the whole class except for a few. After all Electronics fest is meant to be bunked. We had a bottle of Seagram's Imperial Blue and lots of King, Wills and a few Ultimas. Maaannnn, I hogged so much chicken that I don't want to hear anyone mentioning chicken to me. Came home, slept like a log.

Was thinking about a lot of things in my sleep. I remembered my first major accident. I would have been going at around 70 KMPH, when I fell asleep. It was like one second my eyes were wide open, and then I wanted to blink my eyes. So I closed my eyes and then when I open them, I see that my right arm and right leg are cutting across the tarmac. Searing pain is flowing through my body. My leg was trapped between the crash guard and the engine and the heat was making the pain even more unbearable. That instant, I close my eyes and my whole life flashed before my eyes. All the good things and the bad things that I've done. For the miserable sadist I had been. Thinking about the people who used to call me their friend. And the people who used to hate me to the core. And.... I was thinking about her... And then I whooshed to a stop. I was dazed and somehow I get up and start cursing cos' my bike had suffered quite some damage. I picked up my bike and headed back home. Now when I look back and try and remember that, I feel that the whole experience was a transcendental one. It was as if you are truly holding time your captive and moving through all of time and all of life in a bizarre fashion that overpowers the simplest and the most complicated of all desires. I had never had such an experience before. It was an Out-of-the-world experience. From that day on, my life made more sense to me than it ever did in the past so many years. I long for a similar experience, but hopefully without all the flesh tearing and the scars on my body.

However, my 2nd accident was nowhere near as "cool" as my first. I just thought - Oh no!! Not again, man...

I remembered good ol' Cannibal Corpse and Aniruddh. Now, Aniruddh is no longer with us, but Godspeed, my pal. Remembered his dialogue - Today your north will burn and tomorrow your south will burn. That was what was about to happen 24 hrs later. Coming back to Cannibal Corpse... The last time I met her was a few days back. All of a sudden, I realize that something must have happened to her that has made her so serious in life. She no longer is the funny, obscenity discharging, neck breaking machine she used to be in PU days. What in the world has made her so damn serious in life? I'm contemplating that it is something tragic, but god forbid.

I remember her telling me during In Bloom (my college cultural fest) that I should get a love story going on. We were also discussing about how my college has only "Chocolate" love affairs meaning that people do it just to show other people that they have girlfriends. I guess that people also want to boast that they've laid a girl. That's just it. The whole concept is so fucking irritating. Look around yourself. There's a lot going on. Annnyways, coming back to our good old pal Cannibal Corpse, she has definitely become much thinner than she was a couple of years back and I guess more mature and has a wider view of the world.

To this day, it is still a mystery to me... Why have we been created on this Earth? What is the purpose of life? Why do we become confused? Why are people so varied in their behaviour? Why can't all of us be the same? Why do emotions course through our veins? Why is it that some people can transcend while others are still caught up in worldly affairs? How can you distinguish between Dreams and Visions and Reality? Maybe this is what is called life. A confusing complexity which semi-blinds you from reality.

Thus wondered The Arcane Crapper.

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