Thursday, October 13, 2005

Cybernetic Musical Samadhi

All you 6000 odd songs residing on my hard drive... What must I do with you? Most of you are anyways worthless. And those two thousand odd ones of you that did mean a lot to me some time back, why have you degenerated in your value? Why is it that you mean nothing to me anymore?

When I would hear the enrapturing melody you possess, I would sway my body, chemicals would pump into my brain and release the anger and the misery. I would willingly succumb to your playfulness. You were my concubines, my libido. More than Two Thousand different delights - Subtle, direct, entangling, sinful and carnal... So lovely... A play of heavenly thunder foreboding my heart. I would collect you in a folder, verify and complete your ID3 tags, designate an icon to depict your dark, unholy yet sincerely beautiful nature, just the way one would collect rare marbles and congregate them in a maiolica...

You would remind me of friends I thought long lost... Those friends with whom I would rape you again and again and again till we could go on no more. Though by name I call it rape, you and I know it was not. You would be pleased... And please me in return. (In memory of those times when I would headbang with 'Devil' in 9th Standard, while listening to Maiden and Metallica.)

You would remind me of feelings I thought long lost and incapable of... (Listening to CoB, feeling homicidal tendencies rise, wanting the world to fuck itself)

You would remind me that Love is but a false entity... (It seems only yesterday, that I would listen to Sentenced, Evanescence and My Dying Bride enjoying the feeling of being socially cut off, so alone)

You would remind me of all the new thoughts and realizations you brought me... You would make me cry... Yet You infused in me Hope... (Floyd, Rammstein, Ozzy, Rob Halford, Judas Priest, Nirvana, GnR, Dimmu Borgir, Death, Creed, Bon Jovi, Sabbath - all dissolving my negativity into black stardust, shining like a supernova on my personal skies.)

I would romance you, you would tease me with your sometimes melodic, sometimes angry riffs, and spread out adrenaline throughout my circulatory system. And those drum rolls that would almost snap my neck when i headbanged. You would see my hair flying, and my face contorting into an expression of profound hatred. This was our foreplay and intercourse, my sweets.

But things have changed. We will never be able to interface so deeply in this intimate relationship of music, meat and man that I would call my Cybernetic Musical Samadhi... Except for some rare occasions, of course. You no longer hold the same meaning in my life. A part of me has died. And you must be consummated in the fire as well. Goodbye, my darling concubines. Even though you will continue to reside with me, we will never be able to reach that divine state of perfect unity that once we attained.

Commitment is one of the most beautiful things in life. Ain't it, my darlings?

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