Sacrosanct Magma

And it's been a while
Since I could hold my head up high
And it's been a while
Since I first saw you


Truly... It seems just yesterday, when I saw your eyes drill down into mine. Those days when depression was the name of the game, a vision of you standing out in the crowd. I saw those pretty little eyes, amidst loud noises. And I noted it down. Yet this scene seems half-clear, not clear as a whole... Beautiful, my memory, yet fuzzy and blurred too...


And it's been a while
Since I can stand on my own two feet again
And it's been a while
Since I could call you

And everything I can't remember
As fucked up as it all may seem
The consequences that I've rendered
I've stretched myself beyond my means


You were there to support me in some of my darkest times. You made living a lot easier... For once I could share my pains with someone. And you would wash it all away. And those times when I hurt you and you would sit alone, crying yourself out... Things could have been better, we say, but sometimes who we were does not die out easily. No words can express my remorse at some of the things I put you through...


And it's been a while
Since I can say that I wasn't addicted
And it's been a while
Since I can say I love myself as well

And it's been a while
Since I've gone and fucked things up just like I always do
And it's been a while
But all that shit seems to disappear when I'm with you


My addictions will be my addictions and there's no changing it... for now. You made me love myself. There's a different angle to living life, and you gave me that. In my zeal to sail smoothly, I rain down pain, yet you bear it all upon yourself. Why do you have to make me feel so different from the way others have made me feel?


Why must I feel this way?
Just make this go away
Just one more peaceful day

And it's been a while
Since I could look at myself straight
And it's been a while
Since I said I'm sorry


Ought I have felt differently? Is there more to everything I thought existed? Distorted perceptions, crowded realities. And yet, I wait for the time when this washes by, leaving the rich silt for me to enjoy my reverie...


And it's been a while
Since I've seen the way the candles light your face
And it's been a while
But I can still remember just the way you taste


The fading light reflecting off your face, memories replayed in time, that smell which defines you... Deadlocked. Raw and Intense. Pearly beads of sweat emerging... True, I can still remember just the way you taste...


And everything I can't remember
As fucked up as it all may seem to be, I know it's me
I cannot blame this on my father
He did the best he could for me

And it's been a while
Since I could hold my head up high
And it's been a while
Since I said I'm sorry


I have played the game of life so far... What I am is what I have defined myself to be... No regrets, no blame... The needles in my heart are those with which I pierced myself (needlessly?)... Yet I live on, Love on...

It's been two years now... Maya has done 17000 Kilometres with me... She has given me company in some of my darkest days... When I kiss her, there's only a cold metallic reply, which nonetheless is a reflection of love... true love. As can be felt only between man and machine... In between my legs, she roars like a wildcat. This black pulsar lives in my heart...